#30HBC2605 - i loved you, and i am really sorry.

Last August. 2025. 

Last phone's rang and there you were. The voice that haunts my nights til now, the voice that I miss the most. How can I miss someone that I thought I never had feelings for? Or did I just lie to myself all the time? 'Cause every time we crossed our paths (in force, of course), your heart tied to someone not mine. Even though you told me you loved me, even though sometimes the flirts ended the night. 

Last summer, I told you things that's haunted my mind. You couldn't even answered the anxious questions I asked to myself. And maybe, you didn't like how I sound... or the questions... or even me. You walked out of my life and my nights turned to cold. The blankets were never enough to warm me up. The life after you was never the same. 

Last week, I saw her silhouette. It's clearer than the stories you've told me. It's becoming real. I've thought about how I felt and my friends said maybe someday I could talk about it. But the time your hands were tied to her, it became clear. Like things I've told you, I never wanted to walk into someone's relationships. And that's the line. That's my closure. 

Last night, I felt the walls I've built trembling but never fell apart. You were trying. I've been trying. But maybe our feelings never knocked it down. Maybe my feelings never enough to knock down the walls of not trusting anyone. 

// i was a dick, and it is what it is. 

05.01.26; 12.49pm