'26.

it's already January 22nd and my life already all over the place hahaha. i feel like my life doesn't "set" yet. doesn't have any planned goals yet. my 30hbc & posting schedule are lack on. my body just needed rest over and over again. my budgeting all over the place. omg, my life is a chaos. ofc. 

i didn't think much when i wanted to write this. it's like... i just want to dump all things in my mind. like despite all chaos in my life lately, i'm grateful for the growth & crowd di cafe tebing. kayak... untung aja lagi rame. my fam is fine. i think i won't ever be ready if something is happening again. WW3, please don't happen -_- 

i knew i've lacked on writing what's on my mind lately. but somehow, when i opened up old posts here, i think my poems really represented on how i feel. or my thoughts. sometimes, i just want to write beautiful piece like that and that's it. sometimes, yapping like this. with no intentions. with no 'hard thoughts' haha. but yeah, maybe i need a space to dump my anxious ass on new year.... like i always feel. new year always brings me a lil anxiety about life. heavy thought & heavy hearts. muti had been back to bandung, and i feel like i lost a friend to go out to. so yeah......

anyway. 

i think about moving on with my life. i know that it's always a "late" for me to realize some feelings, like feelings towards him, and when it came to a realization... he's with someone else already. then maybe it's my closure. that's when i drew the line and move on. i knew it's hard to mendem perasaan ini tanpa bilang sama sekali. i knew, ini ga sehat untuk terus-terusan ngerasa begini. but life HAS TO GET TO MOVE. i can't stay and just be. i thought about 30hbc being my "sober" mode, but yea it doesn't work like that. i think writing can not be forced for me because i could write the same thing or sentence and i don't like that. so yea. 

we just move on. 

where the wind takes me. 

what else?

this is happening everytime i don't think about what i wanted to write hahaha. and that sucks sometimes. like, what's the point of writing any of this? none. it's just me throwing out thoughts rather than yapping again. i like to write any of this and maybe... move on. 

maybe my word of 2026:

move on.