day 9, part ii.

to be honest, i never knew when the day these feelings started to be something that grew on my mind. i didn't knew the exact date, since our time spanned over the years. over few relationships. and it hit me hard when i tried to examine what our relationship was. it was something undefining for me, the truth is i sometimes still don't understand what was all that. 

in the night, after you're gone from my notification, i tried to bury myself in misery. i overworked myself, drown in my hobbies, tried to put out my feelings into words. kept your voice out of my mind, left my sanity out of the window. you were the anchor to my anxious ass. so when you're out of the picture, i tried to find another way to calm my waves. the tiny tides you've tamed with stories over those midnights. a hurricane you left inside this mind. 

as my memory went to somewhere in two thousand something, my mind's wandering through the roads of this town. i still remember. the houses you judged, you asked for my professional comments about those classics; the cafe on a famous alley after a grocery session, i listened to your rants about her; the house of books, the first time in a while. couple of drinks and fast-foods, hundreds of see ya soon. see you, in another lifetime i guess. 

and i always remember the time i almost surrendered to this love. the time you almost gave up on her and asked me instead. the call when you're drunk and spiraling into old love you always felt proud of. the moment you gave me the key to open the other side. and i thought that maybe we would become something. and we're almost became something. i almost said it to you before you fell for her. and this reality could've been something else. you could've been mine. 

the grandfather's clock strikes twelve. i shove the memories to a box, years of us that meant nothing. whispers of the night; your stories, my songs, your love. keeping it out of my head. clean slate, they said. click the restart button, undone the years we've spent. erasing half of my life that signed by you on it. 

// every shape of almost; hundred of almost 'us'. 

09.04.26; 09.56pm

anadeewrites: midnight's whispers

promptsbyjasmine: distant memory
silentlyloudgirl: shape of almost