so if i ever let my heart win;

it's funny to me on how you reappeared on my dream last night. effortlessly charming, magnetically calming. the storm inside my head, slowly turns into tiny tide. as you're holding my heart, and i surrendered to these feelings. as you pulled me into the waves, and drown me in this sorrow. my heart ached for love that lasted as i went along to the sea and never been saved. you let me feel and die. and i let myself down to my knees, begging. 

people always said a funny thing like i never planned to fall but i fall anyway, yet you made the idiom felt so real. you knocked on the back door late at night, that the neighbors wouldn't know. 3 A.M. deep conversations people always glorified for, they said it was the most honest one. and you slipped out off my fingers as the sun went up and acted like we were strangers. blinds up, and i saw her in your arms. it was a nice morning filled with jealousy and loneliness. it was something i wished upon the stars that lasted only at nights. 

but then, my conscious always won. people watching, whispering. so i walked to every directions led nothing to you. my feet's trembling, heart's shattered, longing for something to have. like the warmth of being loved, more than being seen—because that's something you made me feel. or the time that i could call you mine—because you were never been mine. but as i told you that night, i was a dick to leave you once. so maybe it's the time that you left me now. 

if i ever let my heart win, then my confessions would ended with a question: will you be mine? if i ever brave enough, then maybe we would've been something. and then i woke up and saw you with somebody else. and the aches grew, killing the pieces of my heart. so i let my conscious won, one last time. leaving the daydreams about us getting married or having an adventure of a lifetime. leaving behind feelings and into being another strangers with memories. and maybe, in 20 years ahead, i'll just be somebody else you'll forget. 

// back to friends strangers.

03.07.26; 10.27pm