hello. been quite a while of down time. been quite a while for kicking you out of my mind. the pictures of her kissing your cheek, or your words up on your stories of how amazing she was. been quite a while of this madness inside my mind that i didn't quite understand how to calm the storms. because you left, leaving out the mess, leaving me behind with promises and ashes of past i've tried to bury.
i've been running on nights, like some obsessive runners tried to catch their strava trackers. meanwhile, i was just trying on catching sweat and more tiredness to my body so i didn't have time to think about you late at night. because on last February i could catch you on a call, in all my midnights, in the midst of chaos. on last February, everything was just another days with you somewhere, and we were fine.
lately, i've been stuck on writing these things. my words were spiraling as i hated my pieces i've made about you. it's all about the pasts, the past we tried to let go, but never been forgotten. it's hanging somewhere we could casually catch whenever we missed the old days. i've been missing those days. but i couldn't crossed the line now that she's on your arms. like i've said to you months ago, like this undefined string we had for years. we danced to this unknown feelings, tried to let go, but pulled right back to the start. to the past we've tried to let go. but never been, maybe we never will.
these days... i've tried to let go of these feelings. trying hard to put you on these ugly poems you won't read like those birthday notes i sent to you. because maybe, in between these lines, i finally can rest a while from thoughts of you. hoping that as i dumped all my feelings in these words, i could finally step out of this hell hole of undescribed feelings. because if it was love, then i don't want it anymore.
// touched my face, lingering sad eyes.
01.02.26; 11.46pm
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